I was strolling through the parking lot on my way home from work, when I noticed the business cards tucked into the drivers side windows of the cars I was passing.
This sort of thing happens at least once every few months in this parking lot.
Advertisements of one sort or another appear, wedged under the windshield wipers or stuck in our car doors, usually advertising drink specials at some local bar or redemption specials at some local church. I snatch them off my car and toss them into the passenger seat, just more fodder for the recycling bin once I make it home.
This particular card was different from others I had seen. Advertising neither public house nor house of god, it displayed instead the illustrated face of a sultry gypsy woman with the words, “Love Healer Mxxxxx” emblazoned across the top of the card.
No, it wasn’t really ‘Mxxxxx’.
I’m obfuscating a few of the details because I wouldn’t want anyone to mistake this mention as either advertisement or endorsement. I assure you, it is neither.
Already shaking my head, I scanned the rest of her card and see exactly what services were being offered…,
Love and Relationship Specialist
Okay, not too bad so far, I guess. I have my doubts on the whole ‘soulmate’ front, but it certainly could have been worse. I took another moment to flip the card and read the back…,
Psychic Love Spells
Wait, what’s the difference between a love spell and a psychic love spell?
Oh, well it’s nice to see she has a little something for every occasion.
Return Lover Spells
Forgive Me Spells
Desperation: you’re soaking in it.
Yeah, I’m just not buying it.
And yes, I can already hear my more incredulous readers pointing out that, as someone who has himself studied and has even occasionally practiced a bit of magic, I have no place calling someone else a fraud.
And that, my friends, is a reasonable point.
I have made any number of claims within this blog, regarding the things I have seen or experienced, that I could never prove to you, beyond any kind of doubt.
And while I find it highly suspicious that she is charging $45 just to conduct a reading to see if she should charge you even more money to offer you romantic advice (as described on her website). Charging fees for services rendered is not, in itself, proof of fraudulent behavior. For all I know ‘Love Healer Mxxxxx’ really does possess the power to “reveal your lovers’ secrets” and “enhance your sex drive.”
She may be the “Master Psychic Spiritualist” she claims to be.
Or she may have come up with her job-description while playing Occult Mad Libs.
I just don’t know.
What I can say it that I have known many people who I believe are genuinely in touch with something outside that which most others are willing to experience. And I’ve met a fair number of fakes as well. Telling the difference between the two is not always an easy matter.
Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes it just comes down to a feeling.
But whatever their powers, real or imagined, here’s one bit of advice I offer free of charge.
Love Spells, Relationship Spells, Return Your Lover Spells…, just ever so much NO!
Romantic Love, the ancient Greeks would tell you, is the child of Beauty and War, and is, by its very nature, already volatile enough without adding a chaotic element like magic into the mix.
These things never go well.
And if you don’t believe me, just look into the various mythologies…,
The arrows of love invariably prick the wrong target, leading us to a hoard of unfortunate physical transformations, wars inspired by romantic jealousy, and an entire flock of god-kings stepping out with a handy river-nymph, carpenters wife, or some poor young woman with a secret swan fetish.
If even the gods can’t handle this stuff, what chance do mere mortals have.
It’s a bad BAD scene and we’d all do well to just stay away from it.
Stay safe out there and good hunting!