The best thing about the internet is not its ability to connect us over vast distances or the sheer volume of information which it puts at our fingertips. These things are all very fine and good, it is true, but the very VERY best thing about the internet is its ability to regurgitate silly “news” items again and again, sometimes years after they first surfaced.
As a case in point, I bring you this meme I spotted the other day, warning against the next satanic plot to destroy our innocent youth…,
Yep, that’s a pink Ouija board, the likes of which I had never seen before, but which it appears Hasbro started cranking out back in 2010. How did I miss this?!
And this was apparently a big deal at the time. With just a little effort I discovered several news articles about Christian groups protesting against Toys R Us for selling these things, and Hasbro for making them.
And all because little girls will be seduced by the pink cardboard and begin to summon malign spirits.
That’s the part that always makes me laugh.
Just how easy do these people think it is to conjure something up from the bowls of hell?! I mean, if a couple little girls can do it, while fiddling with a bit of cardboard and plastic, an adult ought to be able to step outside and summon all sorts of uglies with no more than a good shout. The skies above us should be filled with demonic energy like that scene in Ghostbusters after the containment grid is shut down. And those of us who have actually studied magic should be able to bring the gods themselves thundering down from the heavens in all their wrath and fury.But it doesn’t work like that, as even a casual glance at the world around us should make clear.
I believe in an inspirited world, I have been witness to the raw magical power of youth, but I think its a safe bet that no line of demons is queued up and ready to leap into our children through the vehicle of a $12 toy.
And what self respecting hell-wright would be seen in the same room with this thing, anyway.
The cultist spread his hands out over them and cried, “Go now children, take up the bright pink letter-board of damnation, and summon unto ye the Unholy Spirit of My Little Pony.”
Yeah, I don’t think so.
Oh, and parents…, don’t buy your kids a pink Ouija board. Not because they might use it to summon something nasty, but because they’ll play with it once, and then it’s just going to collect dust in the closet.
Besides, everyone knows that all the most sinister of infernal spirits have been trapped, through fiendish sorcery, inside these unbreakable spheres of darkness.
From here, they will reveal, at our command, the very secrets of the universe.
Only, not right now…, try again later.